Ask Wirecutter: Why Can’t My Partner See How Right I Am?

Dear Wirecutter,

My husband has no dishwasher plan, and it drives me nuts. He loads the dishwasher without thinking about what might be coming (like dirty dinner dishes) and then gets annoyed when I rearrange it to make space.

B.G.

Dear B.G.,

I’ve heard a lot of couples muttering about their partner’s dishwasher-loading philosophy over my years as an advice columnist, and I can’t believe this one is a first for me.

Consider: Would you rather a pile of dirty dishes sit in the sink all day in the name of it being loaded efficiently in one go? Or are you just hoping your partner gains the dishwasher-loading foresight you seem to have?

I consulted writer Andrea Barnes, who meticulously reports our guides to dishwashers and dishwasher detergents and thinks about dishwashers significantly more than the average person. “As a member of a ‘dishwasher differences relationship,’ I would like you to first appreciate that your partner loads the dishwasher and then walk away while they’re doing it,” she said.

But Andrea also says it’s probably a good idea for those with a stricter loading style to embrace a “more whimsical dishwasher approach,” and, on the flip side, for the free-spirited dishwasher loaders to at least glance at the manual’s loading guidance so they’re not, say, laying lids flat to accidentally block the machine’s spray arms or loading plates backwards so the dirty side isn’t being showered properly.

I, personally, am in favor of running a dishwasher more frequently, even if it’s not stacked to the Platonic ideal of dish organization, because hand-washing dishes kind of sucks, especially when they have a thin film of residue, and it’s a lot less water-efficient. Modern dishwashers use less than 4 gallons of water total, whereas many kitchen faucets unleash a veritable geyser at up to 2 gallons of water per minute, according to Andrea’s reporting.

For the record, the Wirecutter staff was pretty evenly split on this issue, but I think your best approach is to take a deep breath and let him bang around in well-meaning inefficiency. If you need something to do with your newfound extra time, read Andrea’s great piece on how to use your dishwasher better and then send him the link.